Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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