she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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