I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
