Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
