ugly people sure do ruin things
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
