the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
