well you can't waste a boner
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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