I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
