tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
