u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I woke up under a house in Key West
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
