So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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