He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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