tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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