Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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