I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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