well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
