On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
