i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
