Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
