I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
well you can't waste a boner
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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