If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
