I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
