I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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