New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Can I color on your dick again?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
