omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
