I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize