Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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