You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
