He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
tonight lets celebrate not being married
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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