Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
