Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
