And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
