the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
only you would photoshop your dick
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
