do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
