handjob tips. give me some.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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