Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize