Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
