just survived the first fart of the relationship.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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