My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
