Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
