He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
