his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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