take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize