had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize