meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
