Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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