$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
