the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
