If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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