p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
