Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
