was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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