marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
