evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
