I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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