I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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