i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
mondays should just be called national damage control day
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
