I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
