Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize