is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
