barbara walters just said penis...
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
