I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I have so many feelings about this burrito
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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