Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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