I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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