I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize
