She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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