I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
