Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
whose parrot is this?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
