She said her name was "party"
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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